Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
