Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
