if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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