I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize