I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
