Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
