Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
