wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
