where am i from again
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
