I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize