No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize