when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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