it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
