you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
