I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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