meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
