grandma shit on top of the toilet
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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