you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
