Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
im holly from the hills drunk
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
