we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Shame is for Republicans.
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