Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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