its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
