Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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