hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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