I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she smelled like a LAN party
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize