Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
