i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
