He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize