My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Randomize
