wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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