Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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