I feel like abortions should bother me more
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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