girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
