Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
