mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i think i just lost a toe
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