as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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