these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
