How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
