Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
