tonight lets celebrate not being married
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
