no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
