Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
And then my night got REAL pukey
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
