For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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