That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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