Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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