He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
