I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
