He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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