She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
