I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
