Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
