Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
