i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
