Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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