You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
