YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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