You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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