Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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