Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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