Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize