my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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