So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
