I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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