Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
