Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
