I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
