I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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