The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize