Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
