im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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