I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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