So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
