i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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