dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
