I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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