i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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